‘But what does it mean, being a fangirl?’
To be honest, the first few seconds after I was asked that question, I was stumped.
For those of us who are intimately familiar with fangirls, the answer to this question is fairly clear. We know what fangirls are like. We know our communities – a mixture of humour and creativity and thoughtfulness, with the occasional ‘aren’t they just gorgeous’ thrown in every now and again. It’s clever and emotional and silly and filled with meta-humour. It’s… being a fangirl.
But how does one explain all of that to someone who’s never even been involved in fandom?
I still haven’t found an answer to that question. But I think I might know where to begin.
Usually the first thing I find myself doing after telling someone I’m a fangirl is explaining everything that it’s not.
It’s not surprising, really. ‘Fangirl’ is a term used quite a bit in popular culture, and more often than anything, it’s been characterised in exactly the wrong way. Even with books like Fangirl (by Rainbow Rowell) giving a fairly accurate representation of fangirls, the image that most people instantly think of when they hear the word ‘fangirl’ is the same old image: the delusional, obsessive little girl who wants nothing but to be close to her idol. Said idol is the centre of her life; nothing else matters to her. And “oh my god, have you seen how cute they look in this or that show?!”
If that sounds ridiculous to you, it’s because it is. That’s not fangirls. For starter, referring to us as girls is not only inaccurate, but it’s also demeaning. Make no mistakes – the term might be fangirls, but we’re definitely women. Much like you wouldn’t refer to fanboys as boys but as guys or men, there’s absolutely no reason to treat us as girls. We’re adult women, and let me tell you something – we know exactly what we’re doing.
Which brings me to my second point. This assumption that we’re delusional, obsessive, in love, or have no life other than following our “idol” has to stop. This assumption that we need to be shown the way back to “real life” or that getting us “out of it” is for our own benefit has to stop. Are there fangirls – or fans in general – who get obsessed and turn their entire lives into a shrine for an actor or a character? Sure. But it’s no different than any other group in history. That doesn’t mean that all of us are like that. In fact, most of us are the complete opposite of that.
Because for the most part, fangirls are absolutely regular women who happen to be passionate about an actor, or a show, or a character*. That passion doesn’t come at the expense of reality. It’s part of it. Much like sports fans are passionate about their favourite sports teams, and much like geeks are passionate about sci-fi and fantasy, we’re passionate about certain actors, and shows, and characters. We talk, and discuss, and create – and, yes, joke (mostly at our own expense). We do everything a die-hard fan would do – from watching every episode as it airs to analysing it in depth years later. In truth, fangirl communities are often very similar to any fan community; the main difference is that they’re mostly comprised of women.
But that doesn’t change anything. In fact, with the creativity and thoughtfulness and humour there are in these communities, I’ve found that I often enjoy them significantly more than supposedly “normal” fan communities. Because it’s more than just finding people who are passionate about the same things as you are. It’s about a community; a sense of belonging. It’s about feeling at home.
So what does it mean, to be a fangirl?
It means that you’re passionate about someone or something, and you’re not afraid to show it. It means that you care deeply about someone or something, and yes, occasionally get into arguments trying to protect them (and contrary to common belief, more often than anything, you’ll find yourself passionately defending an actor’s relationship, rather than looking to be in that relationship). It means that you spend quite a bit of your free time talking and theorising and rewatching and joking about that someone or something. It means that it’s become a part of your life – not the whole of it, and not necessarily a big part, either; but an important part nonetheless.
That’s what it means to the a fangirl.
And as this post so beautifully pointed out, if you’re still absolutely certain that being a fangirl is something else entirely, then the problem isn’t with our perception of things; it’s with yours.
*Or a book, or a movie, or almost anything, really.